I have lived in the Midwest for 20 years now. Half of my life. My previous address was in Montana. I consider both places my home. I've been thinking a lot since my vacation ended a few weeks ago. Mostly asking myself the question, "Where do I belong?" This is indeed a loaded question. And dammit, my Mother gets in my head again.
Tick. Tick. Tick. (the sound of my desk clock)
I know I have the power to create my own belonging. But why do I feel so fearful sometimes? Mostly I'm afraid of the question, "Am I in the right place?" I feel that is a constant nagging inquiry in my soul. All. The. Time. I think it's because I don't want to get hurt. Perhaps a fear of abandonment. I want to live in a protective space where I can see clearly in front of me without having to spin my head around to make sure everyone and everything I care about is following me. That, I've learned, is not how life operates. Nor is it really a way to live. Things and people that were meant to stay will make the effort as much I put into it in return. My place to belong is one where I remain emotionally engaged - location and material things are an added bonus. Belonging requires active effort, practice, and courage. I have been, and will remain a forever student.
What are your thoughts? Where do you feel you belong? Tell me in the comments below.
Next blog post (coming soon): Find Your Tribe, Love 'Em Hard, Part 1: A Conversation with My Best Friend, Angela